Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Love Your Man

I was a mean little ninny when I married Nic.  I was a selfish person.  I had all kinds of ideas on how to be a good wife, but often gave in to a sour temper and worried mostly about myself.  Almost 12 years have passed, and I've learned a lot in that time.  I have observed others, experimented myself, learned from my good husband and studied bits and morsels of information from all kinds of sources on how to increase the warmth and mutual love in marriage.

I think there is a fallacy out there that your man has to be perfect for him to deserve your best effort in loving him. It's a lie.  Give him your best.  Be the initiator, and if he isn't a jerk, or abusive or a mistake, I'd bet he will reciprocate in ways that will surprise you.

 I've been thinking about two topics.  How to treat HIM and How to be a WOMAN.  I'll write about the first topic today and tackle the latter later.  I like saying that...latter later.  Heh heh.  Anyhoo...

How to treat your MAN.

Ever felt ambivalent in your marriage?  I think it is not uncommon to have that loving feeling ebb and flow.  Don't panic, it is just what happens in direct result to how we treat each other - not some sad nonsense the world tells you about "falling out of love".  No such thing.  The feelings we have for each other are always our fault, good or bad.

I love these ideas on how to make your man feel your love and how to make YOU feel love for your man:

- Never speak badly of your husband to anyone, ever.

-Compliment him in front of his friends and family or even your friends.  Complement him in private. Compliment him in front of his children.  Say something like, "Kids did you know your dad is the best ______?"  or "Do you know why your dad is so awesome?  Because he ______."

- Put a hand on his shoulder or face and tell him he is handsome.  You might be in a place where it is hard to think of a compliment.  Start small - start anywhere. If he isn't used to you doing that, he might be taken aback a bit.  But he will feel good-whether he admits it, or not. Find a way to compliment him every day.

-BEST question to melt an icy heart..."What can I do for you today to make you happy?"  Mean it and do it.
Offer a foot rub with lotion while you watch t.v.  Ask what he would like you to cook for him one night.  It doesn't have to be a huge thing...you know your guy.

-If you are a spiritual couple, pray as a couple at night, hold his hand when you kneel and express to God your gratitude for specific things your man has done, such as provide for your family, help with the kids- anything you admire or would miss about him if he were gone.  On your own, pray for your husband, mention his specific challenges.  You might mention to him he's been in your personal prayers.

-Think kindly of your partner and have a forgiving heart.  If you find yourself silently arguing with him while you do the dishes, or wish he were THIS or wish he were THAT or why can't he just....Stop it.  Appreciate the good he does and leave the fault finding behind.  Ruth Bell Graham said, "Marriage is the union of two good forgivers".  True that, Ruth.  True that.

These are a few things I've learned and try to do...I'm not perfect at any of it...but when I do it, it brings my heart to a warm and loving place.  It makes my home happy.  What do you do to make your husband feel special and loved?  I seriously want to know!

Next time, I'll share some thoughts on How to be a GIRL! :)


i said...

I wish I had something to add to this...but mainly I just needed to read it! What great wisdom! Thank you.

Lisa said...

Great ideas, Angie! Except for the foot rub with lotion - I don't know that I can handle my hubby's hairy toes! ;)

Kara said...

I really appreciate this Angie, thanks for the great thoughts! I'm going to make some happy changes at my house. :)

Kacey Nielsen said...

I have been missing Angie wisdom in my life. I am so glad it is back.

The book "The Peacegiver" is one I go back to a lot when I think about marriage. Especially when I start asking myself why he doesn't just know what I need him to do? It seems so obvious but after I learned how to say out loud what was frustrating me and ask for help when I need it instead of waiting for my ESP to work, our marriage took another very happy turn.

Andrea Gehmlich said...

I'm overdue for this message. My poor man.

Michelle said...

I just want you to know how much I appreciate this post. I read it the other night and I really needed it! I have been trying to apply your wonderful ideas, because most of my energy is spent being a good mom, a good daughter, a good visiting teacher, a good YW president...you get the idea - reading your post made me realize how little time I spend trying to be a good wife. How sad is that?? Thank you for reminding me. I love you for the great person you are, Angie. I wish we lived closer, because even through our limited interaction on the internet, you make me want to be a better person. And you make me laugh! Thank you. :)

Kelly McCoy-Sobczak said...

Where's the "Like" button? What a smart girl you are :)

Thank you for sharing and reminding me. We are having a time of it - our first few months as empty nesters! I note from your list; I do neglect my man. I see that he does lots more of those things on your list than I do. I spent all these years taking care of everybody else but "us". This is the first time we've been just "us" since Apryl was born and we'd only even known each other for 15 months prior to her!!! So I really appreciate your advice and looking back, express the need for it - I know from experience! Girls, GO get your man - show him just how much you love him! thanks Angie! You're awesome.

CatinaMarie said...

Love it. I've always loved the way that you and Nic express your love to one another. You are setting such excellent examples for your kids. I love how kind and sweet you are to one another. And one of the best things you've ever done for me, in addition to your example, is recommend that I read Dr. Laura's "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands." There's not a day that goes by that advice from that book doesn't echo in my ears (especially when I'm being an naughty and cranky wife or neglecting Scott for much less important things.) That book took our marriage from good to awesome (though still far from perfect). Because of you, I know recommend it to anyone I know that is newly engaged.