Thursday, September 16, 2010

Gasp

(Just so you know, I do not enjoy this flared nostril, hurry up and take the picture so I can find a bush to barf in look.)

I started running because my runner sister -in -law Apryl is so skinny and fit it breaks your heart. That's the truth of it. It was purely vanity.

I thought that if in some universe I could run for miles than there would be no possible way I could remain fat. Apparently even fat people can run for miles. My mistake.

Last Saturday I ran a 5k. I had on spandex and a crinkly paper number pinned to my belly. This was quite a change from my norm. The whole experience was a mixture of elation/humiliation. I was elated to be part of something. There was music, there were teams, there was a balloon arch starting line and I got to run by and grab a cup of water and toss it during the race. (I've always wanted to do that haven't you?) There was my husband hooting and my kids pogo sticking up and down at the finish line. A friend snapped a photo and a random fireman leaned over and clapped me through my last 50 feet. It was heartwarming to have the support.

I was also served the fattest slice of humble pie I've ever choked down! Oh. It hurts me. I expected to have the majority of the runners pass me in the first few minutes. I did NOT expect said runners to be literally (I lie not) 80 years old and wearing a very visible diaper under their running shorts, or 100 lbs heavier than me. Pushing a double stroller. Nor did I expect to look behind me mid race and see not ONE person running. All of them were walking. I sort of wanted to run right off of the course and go into someones yard and hide under a trampoline.

Okay, so I'm not as awesome as I thought I was. Okay, so I haven't lost one single pound. (Whoever said runners can eat whatever they want - dirty lie.) Okay, so I'm sort of nursing a throbbing black eye from reality punching me in the face. I haven't run once since the race. I'm in a kind of "what now?" funk.

The truth of it is that I can't compare myself. I have to appreciate how far I've come. I remember wringing my hands and waking up all night the night before I was to conquer a huge hurdle on my beginning runner's program. The task: Run four minutes. I was POSITIVE I couldn't do it. Then, I did it and I cried like a little baby on the side of the road. That is something my friend. That IS something.

Now I can run for 45 minutes. I can't run fast. I don't look good in my spandex, that's for sure. But I stuck with something for once. I ran for 6 months straight and I'm not giving up. I dread these cold dark winter mornings coming up, but hey. It can be done. I get what I want and I want to be a runner.


19 comments:

Mary said...

Ahhhh the runners high, when I ran my 5k it went something like that too. I even carb loaded the night before, just cause I could. I think you look amazing! Just Sayin'!

Kacey Nielsen said...

Angie! Move back into your old place and be my running buddy!

I am totally impressed by your race skills. Next one we will do together!

Hi I'm Apryl said...

I love you girl! Way to go :)

Tiffany said...

ANGIE!!! You have my respect and admiration!!! I'm terrified of running. I know I'll fail! (I also know I'm not supposed to say that, negative energy, etc.) I am really impressed. When I read the line, "run for 4 minutes, " I was impressed and jealous. Then I kept reading and you can run for 45 minutes?!?!?!? You are my example. Sigh. I'm running a 5k in two months and I'm terrified. Because I know I'm not ready. I'll be walking/jogging the whole way and it pains me to admit that to myself. Sheesh, I need more confidence and will-power... And I just aired all my insecurities on your blog. Love from Provo.

The Whites said...

YOU DID GREAT! Don't beat your self up. Funny I started running to be skinny and in shape and havent lost weight either. I need to email you the pics of you running, it was fun to see ya their, keep up the good work!

Anna said...

Angie..good job! I remember when you started and were terrified. You do great, and you should give yourself more credit. Once I'm done preparing for my race and can actually run for "fun" I would love to go with you every once in awhile. Great job on your race...keep it up! Maybe look for another 5K in the area so it'll give you motivation to stay running!

Mindy B said...

Angie, you are so awesome. I love your determination, it inspires me cuz I sooooooo want to give up the whole running thing. I say you join the gym and come run in circles with me @ the indoor track to get through those dark, cold mornings! :)

Chris and Kara said...

You're awesome and I can't say that enough! Take out my preggo factor and I still couldn't run for more than a minute :). You really inspire me and I hope you know how great it is to hear how much you're running! I know you're doing great things even if it doesn't always seem like it.

Lisa said...

Great job, Angie! I am truly impressed. You make me want to get off my big butt and run. ;) And you look great, by the way. You are totally gorgeous.

i said...

i wan't to be like you when i grow up! ;)

mimilove forever said...

*bows head in shame and vows to take the pile of clothes off excercise bike at weekend*

Well done you...I would've taken the trampoline option!! x;0)

Keep on running chick...but not too far away from us x;)

Stacie said...

Angie, I just love you. I hope you are so proud of yourself!

Jack Attack said...

as always, I love your wit and candor. good for you! inspiring. if a running partner is needed, I might be interested (and this coming from a girl who loathes running and would rather swim 20 miles rather than run it), as long as it doesn't intefere with the husband/athlete's training.

monica said...

You sound like a goal driven sort of lady. Sign up for another race to keep you moving, or join a jogging team with shirts that say, "Pain is weakness leaving the body." Don't stop. Try for a 10k next year. And yes, the line, "Runners can eat whatever they want." is a lie.

Cyndi said...

I am so so so proud of you. That was a truly awesome post!

Perry Bunch said...

First Angie You are amazing girl. You did it!! Way to go!! I love this post you are so honest. I can relate to it all. Keep it up.

Michelle said...

I'm totally impressed that you can run for 45 minutes straight. HELLO!! That is a serious accomplishment, especially considering where you started. (And I should know, because I don't think I could run for 5!)
I also loved hearing about the 80 year olds wearing diapers. You always make me laugh!

kiki comin said...

Angie! SO awesome. Getting that first race out of the way is so nice...and you do look so great!:)

"M" Clan said...

I fell off the Blog planet and totally had no idea you are the most NOW PROVEN amazing woman ever, I'm so totally proud of you! xoxo