Friday, November 4, 2011

Deep Thoughts in Walgreen's

Nic came home and surveyed the battlefield. Greasy paper plates and empty Cheetos bags littered the kitchen table. My permanent butt print and the butt prints of several of my children still lingered on the couch cushions. The reasons why don't matter, it was just one of those days. He gave me a long hug and told me, "Even perfect mothers need a day off."

He sent me to Walgreen's to buy milk and bread and a flavor of Tylenol that maybe Evan won't barf up on the couch. I gladly went. It was rainy and cool and I wanted to lay on the pavement and smell that wet asphalt smell til I died. I don't know why I love that smell so much.

I had me a time at Walgreen's. The fluorescent lighting was cheerful. I took my sweet time with my undersized shopping cart. I shuffled down each aisle in my sweatpants and contemplated. I knew it was a perfect waste of money, but I couldn't resist picking up a rag mag spewing the sordid details of Justin Bieber - baby daddy.

I tried to think of situations in which turquoise nail polish would work in my life.

I walked by the enemas and was grateful I didn't need one.

I gasped at the audacity of charging five dollars for a pint of Ben and Jerry's.

I lingered in the baby lotions and binkies and felt a tiny pinch in my heart to have another baby.

I smiled down the Christmas aisle and pushed all of the buttons on the annoying singing do-hickeys. My favorite was Miss piggy in a cheap and easy leopard dress singing "Santa Baby".

I scowled at the paperback shelf and wondered how on earth the airbrushed abs and heaving bosom books make the NY times best seller list every darn week? Who reads those?! Gross.

On the way out, there was an Asian man impatiently accosting an arguing couple at the Red Box. He was tired of waiting and wanted the couple to check if the machine had cartoos. Not cartoons, cartoos. The couple had no idea what he was talking about. I'm a mom. I know what he was talking about. He was trying to say Cars 2.

I should have cleared up the matter. But I didn't.

It was just one of those days.


Mindy B said...

I love wandering the aisles of Walgreens. And I enjoyed the deep thoughts on your visit! :)

the hamiltons said...

Hahaha always making me laugh.. Love reading about your experiences ;)

Michelle said...

Angie, you have to promise to turn your blog posts into a book... a REAL book that sells in stores. We all have experiences like you, but no one says it better. I think you and Nic could do a nice cover with his abs airbrushed and your heaving bosom beaconing all losers to buy your book. On second thought, scrap that. Only real people would appreciate the perfect decriptions of your real life. Seriously, you could easily have a best seller on your hands. Just sayin'.
By the way, who buys those chinsey little singing figurine thingeys anyway? It must be the same people who read trashy romance novels.

Lisa said...

Your posts are the best! Entertaining as always. :)

Chris and Kara said...

You really are hilarious Angie and so true to life, I always appreciate your posts! Keep 'em coming!

Kacey Nielsen said...

It all sounds so magical...

You had me at rain smell and teal.

mimilove forever said...

teehee...I totally need to go shopping with you!
Lovely to hear from you missus, big loves to you and the and hope you brought that lottery ticket ;D

Stephanie Scharpp said...

This made me laugh out loud...literally! Thanks for sharing all of your stories :)