Monday, June 23, 2008

Black holes, The Bermuda Triangle, and Me

On Saturday night I went shopping at Superwalmart. I knew it was going to be one of those nights because when I went to open my car door it shocked the co-co puffs out of me. Sometimes the universe aligns in some bizarre way in which I get schocked by just about anything. When I got to Walmart I put my keys in my purse which also created an electrical shock. By this time I am gun-shy. I go to get my cart and I sort of slapped the handle first to test it out and of course it shocked me. A painful one too! I then got shocked on the dairy case handle (twice) and then on a can of tuna. WHY?

So I made my way to the produce section sort of relieved I was done buying stuff involving metal only to realize every time I let go of the shopping cart it would shock me again when I touched it to move somewhere else! Then the weirdest thing happened. I GOT SHOCKED BY A GALL DANG AVOCADO! An avocado people! Since when have avocados been superconductors of electricity? At this point I can't help at least wonder if God is just messin' with me.

God: Pssst...Saint Peter..leave the pearly gate duty to someone else and come check this out.

St. Peter: Who's that girl?

God: That's Angie Larkin. And that my friend is a mountain of avocados in which I have added 5000 volts of electricity to every single one.

St. Peter: Hee Hee.

God: And guess who has "guacamole fixins" on her shopping list?

St. Peter: This oughtta be good.

Okay...I know my shocking problem isn't God's fault, but it does sort of...oh I don't know...defy every natural law I've ever heard of. It is a unique feeling to be scared of an avocado. So you just remember that next time you are in the produce section of Walmart.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Older than Dirt

My baby turned 30 yesterday! 30 feels so old and I would continue to make fun of him and his AARP magazines that are sure to arrive in the mail any day, but I'm older than he so I'll shut up now. But the upside of turning into a geezer is that you get cool things done for you!

I dropped the kids off at my sister's and then picked up Nic from work. Just walking in that place stresses me out...I love him for doing a scary job everyday. Then we went to a bakery to get this ridiculously tasty vanilla bean lemonade. There were whole beans floating around in the lemonade bucket and little black specks stuck to the Styrofoam cup. Yum. Nic was so cute, he took me there to just show me snippets of his life. Then he wanted to take me to this hilarious hotel that he had a networking thing at. It was so ridiculously creepy! If vampires ever vacation in Vegas they stay at the Artisan hotel. Black walls and ceilings, leopard carpet, goth furniture, paintings on the ceilings, candles, heavy curtains, suits of armor...So creepy. I laughed because on one of the big book shelves in the lobby there was a big red book called "Sweet Torrid Surrender" next to a book called "Entertaining with Regis and Kathy Lee". I guess even vampires throw dinner parties.

Then we went to Town Square for some shopping, dinner and a movie. We saw Get Smart which nearly made me wet myself. I highly recommend it. The kids stayed at my sisters for the night and we got to go home and have run of the nice for a change!

Happy Birthday my sweetheart.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Your Mom.

Nic and I are big on your mama jokes. They have become the response for just about everything.
Nic: Hey babe? Can you wash some shirts for me?
Me: Your mom.

Me: Sweetie, can you fix that broken light switch before the weekend is over?
Nic: Your mom fixes light switches.

Me: Can you move your smelly feet away from my face?
Nic: Your mom has smelly feet.


A couple of weeks ago Nic asked me to do something to which I replied "your mom" forgetting his mom was in the next room until I heard her say..."HEY!"

So Afton must have picked up on this playful banter as this morning she asked me to do something to which I relplied, "your mom". She looked at me and totally one upped me in Sunbeam style by saying "YOUR mom drinks coffee!"

If you aren't Mormon...sorry, this won't be funny to you. But suffice it to say, that mama joke is about as dastardly as a four year old Mormon girl can get.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Tuesday Tidbits

The older I get, the more I'm starting to learn how to appreciate small moments that make me chuckle. Little moments to celebrate. I celebrate this fantastic storytime craft we made at the Library today. I also celebrate the fact that Afton asked for and actually ate spinach and raspberry vinaigrette for snack. All in all... a pretty good day.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Wednesday, June 11, 2008


I used to babysit my nephew Zac. At that time there was nothing more in life he wanted that to pretend he was Rudolph and I was Santa. I can't tell you how many Rudolph noses I painted on him with a red marker and how many times I galloped around the living room saying, "Okay Rudolph, shine up your nose!" while we flew around in our imaginary sleigh. I only babysat and I often felt so sorry for my sister who I know was sick, sick, sick of playing that day after day. Well, now I have my own four year old.

What is it about this age? Afton can't be content with me being just mom! I already told you about my new life as Phantom of the Opera. Now she wants me to be the goblin king from Labrynth. If I dare address her as anyone but "Sara" or "Christine" she says...."MOM! You are not my mom you are the Goblin King!" I feel slightly schitzo. I'm a little worried about this obsession she has with bad boys...

Friday, June 6, 2008

Wake up and smell the... oh, nevermind.

There's this show called "So You Think You Can Dance" that Nic and I love. It kept us up til midnight last night so when I finally went to bed I slept so deeply that I don't remember waking up even once, which is a miracle in my house. So this morning I was in the middle of this incredibly realistic dream in which I had lied to a salon in Tonopah saying I had been to beauty school. I was about to perform my first fraudulent haircut on a red headed woman. I was washing her hair with bath and body works hand soap...hoping she wouldn't notice I wasn't using shampoo when in the nebulous backround of my conciousness I heard a faint little voice saying, "poooooooop...poooooop." Then it got louder. Pooooooooooop. Pooooooooooooooooooop!. POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!!! I finally woke up totally confused as to why I was no longer in the salon. I stumbled into the nursery and there was Evan standing in his crib. Then, so sheepishly as if he were a blushing belle on a Georgian plantation, he delicately pointed to his diaper and cooed, "poop." So we took care of that business...brought him in bed to nurse praying he would go back to sleep. Then in comes Afton saying, "THERE'S AN EMERGENCY!" Nic sproinged out of bed still totally asleep like a rattle snake that has had it's head already cut off but still tries to strike. Afton pulls him into the kitchen and I hear a little moan. I refuse to open my eyes and am just glad it wasn't me in the kitchen addressing "the emergency". Then Afton comes in to my room and says, "Raisin just pooed the hugest, hugest poop right under Evan's booster chair." Needless to say, I've had better mornings, but I love my husband. He didn't even call for backup and I got a few more minutes of stinkin' sleep.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Princess Palooza

Afton's cousin Ellie turned 3 and had a princess party to end all. I wanted to share a few of the cute pictures. Highlites from the party include: A real hairdresser (Denise whom I love) came and did princess do's for all of the girls. Afton requested "a big ballerina bun". My nephew Zac and his cohort Peyton crashed the party by dressing up in princess garb. Afton blew out Ellie's candles for her. And I ate more Totino's pizza bites than any human being ever should. I had heartburn for two days. We had a blast. I love getting together with a bunch of women who think their kid is the cutest thing ever. Don't we all think that?