Thursday, October 23, 2008

I think I'll move to Australia

I remember sitting and listening to my elementary school librarian Mrs. Snedden read to my class "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day". I loved that chubby little Asian woman. And I loved that book. Fun to read. Not fun when your day actually goes like that. Not even my day...just my park outing. I am a firm believer in looking on the bright side and not dwelling on the negative, but sometimes the negative is downright comical!

So we went to the park after preschool. I made a special point to ask Afton if she needed the bathroom before we hiked on to the playground. Of course she didn't. We get to the playground. Afton starts walking around with her knees together and her butt poking out. She needed the bathroom. So we did our business in those disgusting park bathrooms...washed hands...purelled for good measure....went back to the park. No less than five minutes later...Afton is doing the weird chicken dance again. We hike all the way back to the bathroom which had wet mystery puddles all over the floor that smelled...and she had well....deposited a special nugget in her Minnie mouse panties. Great! So I squatted down to help get her undressed and my pants split from stem to stern.

I think if I weren't such a germophobe my life would be much less dramatic. Trying to undress Afton without her feet touching the wet smelly floor almost put me into a full out panic attack! So while I am squatting in my newly drafty pants trying to get her pants back on her Evan decides to go ape crap and run at me full speed for a linebacker style tackle. Ahhh!!! People falling over in smelly puddles....undisinfected poop hands....Evan rolling around on the aforementioned floor...Ahhh!! That is IT! SOMEBODY'S GETTING A SPANKING!

Calming myself...pulling up pants...washing hands....re-purelling...ahh....I love the antiseptic smell of alcohol....

We hike back to the playground. Evan says, "Mommy I poopy". Huff. Okay, he's a baby, he can't control his pooping times. He can't help it that we have been at the park for 30 minutes and only five of those minutes haven't included cleaning someones hiney. So we find a bench to change and he goes nuts because the sun is in his eyes...starts screaming and kicking which causes untold cups of sand trapped in the folds of his pants to sprinkle out and stick to his butt....that makes him scream even louder because it is scratchy when I wipe him...my head is killing me...Afton is saying..."Mommy, are you mad? Is this a bad day?"

Yes Afton. This is kind of a bad day. So apologies had to be made for my ranting...hugs given...a little prayer offered to help me be better at keeping it together...Phew. I'm exhausted. Luckily my kids are quick to forgive and I had three bites of Ben and Jerry's Pumpkin Cheesecake left in the freezer when I got home. But I'm still wearing my ripped pants.

10 comments:

The Morris Fam said...

it's all just a laugh for me...but i do have pitty on any germaphobe in any public park. poor lil pregnant lady, wearing one of her few pairs of maternity pants (which are now split.) one problem with the austrailia thing....they have public restrooms at their parks too (i think.)

Cyndi said...

You made me laugh but I understand those days. I love you girl. Thanks for making "my" day seem a little less stressful!

Karen said...

wow, I was stressed just reading that. and you are pregnant on top of that! So sorry for you. Hang in there

Stacie Morris said...

Oh yuck yuck yuck!! Could there be anything worse than the situation you just described?

Good for you for keeping it together,Mama!

Murray Clan said...

LOL- Seriously I am doubled over giggling because I haven't had that exact experience, yet still feel like I can relate in a very sick way! Thank you for bringing a smile to my face today, I really needed that! xo

Audrey Taylor said...

Thank you for making me laugh. It all broke loose when Evan charged at you pushing everybody onto the floor.
I think things would have been fine if you decided to be happy with the germs.

Michelle said...

You keep me so entertained with your stories! I'm not a germaphobe to the extent of many people - but I truly loathe the whole mysterious puddles on the floor of a public bathroom scene. So nasty! I really feel your pain on that one.
Although, for what it's worth - pee is sterile. Does that make you feel any better? Didn't think so. :)

Christene said...

Oh I hate those yucky public restrooms. I swear I had that exact day, poop in the panties and all almost a year ago - without the split pants, but I was wearing my baby in the front carrier and it made it SO hard to do anything. Thank you purell for saving my sanity!!

Amber said...

EWW!! What a poopy day! (Sorry- I couldn't resist).

Please don't move to Australia, or at least if you do keep blogging.

The Morris Fam said...

haven't heard from you...did you move to autralia?? or just recovering from your vacation???